A long time ago, in the outskirts of the town of Must. Lived an old crone, in a paper cottage. The cottage was made out of little origami swans that had sailed down a tiny drain from the town, from which the old crone would collect them. She made her living collecting peices of paper that floated down from the financial district which she used to blackmail local businessmen.
Ever since wall street crashed, the papers that floated down were mostly filled with doodles, and games of noughts and crosses. but what surprised her were the number of hangman games played. she wondered if this was a portent of things to come.
The colapsing of the wall had left a glut in the supply of prospective hangees. The delay was causing the prisons to fill up since capital punishment was the punishment for pretty much all the crimes except being rich. The dellay of in the construction was made worse by the fact that the principal contractor had landed himself on the death by commiting the crime of being insolvent. It was under these conditions that a letter floated by which would have an effect on the last few days of the old crones life.
"Dear Martha", the letter said, "I'm sorry for having taken out our life's savings to invest in the stock market. I know you're mad at me, and as I get ready to jump off the bridge into the Alyee (I couldnt locate the Thames), I thought I must tell you one last time I still love you. If you forgive me, come by the Alyee by 6 on the 12th". The crone was not Martha but the letter, she knew, had to reach Martha and she had only 2 days left to find her.
For she knew that the message was the signal, a signal for an act so daring that that to even mention it would send shockwaves across the town. The old crone had been approached for her services, and when she heard the plans she tried to disuade the participants, of whome her only surviving decendent, a grandson, was member. But in the end she came around, if only to prevent any harm to her grandson. It would be this need to protect her line which would lead to her own death in the end. She knew 'Martha' had to get the msessage in two hours.
She called Gabriel, her trusty crow. "Fly, fly, fly with the wind little bird, and do what you must". 200 years Gabriel had waited for these very words. With a caw, she rose, becoming larger as she got higher. soon she covered half the sky. People looked up, thinking it a portent of rain. Andrui was never the month for rain, but it rained all the time, so they just got on with their lives. Little did they know how their lives were to be changed forever, and soon. Just as suddenly, the skies cleared. Gabriel had not flown, and now she never would.
She, was a teleporting crow. She travelled by the power of the blink. The last of her species if interdimensional black hole crows. Gabriel, short for gabriella, had sworn fealty to the old crone after being saved from a tsunami, that had successfully killed all the other black hole crows. She blinked into the lair of Martha, a blurry man, with hairy arms and a face that looked like a misshapen lump of coal. It was Martha's plan that was being put in action.
Of course, the flaw in the plan (and Aak had foreseen it all along) was that Martha was a man. So while the world waited, and Gabriel was on her interD flight, Martha was watching TV, with a beer in hand. To give him credit, he had waited patiently the first 38 years of his watch, then figured nothing was happening. To give him more credit, he was the one who had conceptualized the master plan. Except Aak had other plans in mind.
The flaw was that martha would never pass of as a woman, and thus never be able to seduce the master of the gates. The gates which barred the road to Hjel the land of the many headed beasts lived, tiny creatures that with bad breath that would kill the apetite of a full grown man. And considering that Must was a town build on it's culinary genius, this would lay the town to ruin. The plan was to release these creatures, and whole town to ransom with the only substance that could drive away the beasts, the misterious element macalite. Martha had mined large quantities of the substance. Of course there was also the food mafia to worry about.
And now, Martha was hungry. No one knew it, but he had eaten most of the macalite in the time he waited for the final awakening of the gates. Of course, macalite was something he never ~should~ have eaten, which partially explained his too-hairy arms. But interestingly, he had really sweet-smelling breath, and Aak's idea all along had been to play on the gatemaster's fetish for pure breath. You couldnt blame him, the gatekeeper, he had never wanted this job and had been forced into after his father (the erstwhile king) had gambled away the kingdom.
Aak promised the gate keeeper all the macalite he could eat if he helped in the trapping of Martha and his gang. All the gate keeper had to do was act like he got seduced by the hairiest and possibly the most repulsive woman in the world. A challenge possibly but probably not too hard for the winner of best amateur lead in a romantic play for the last three consequitive years.
The gatekeeper waited for Martha, who never came. and just when it seemed history would go round in circles, he had a breakthrough. Gabriel had wrongly entered the x-y-z-pi coordinates, she had been so excited about the prophecy finally coming true. Of course, she had never met Martha and now as she materialized in front of the gatekeeper, she assumed ~him~ to be the One. "Hail Masteress (they had been taught to be politically correct)! It is I, Gabriella, Queen of the Black Hole Crows, and servant of the Old Crone and of Thee". "huh", thought Kid, but was smart enough to get there had been a mix up, and one to his advantage.
So he wrung the crow's neck and drank her breath, thus imbibing her transporting ability. He used this power to to transport himself to the store of the macalite. Upn reaching it he was shocked to realize that there was only a small bit left, in his rage he lashed out at old crone's grandson who had been standing in guard outside the Macalite store. Angry he grabbed the boy's body and transported himself into Aak's lair.
Aak was in a boardroom meeting. His detractors were mostly dead by now, thanks to his impeccable plans. With Martha out of the way too, his plans to take control of the mustard oil cartel would come to fruition. And then he truly would be the Godfather, the undisputed lord of the food mafia. Bread prices, broccoli sprigs, cantalloni...he could imagine the power he would wield and salivated. Just as he was about to open the presentation on 'Recession and its Impact on Digestion', there was a loud noise, like an uncomely belch and Kid stood before him.
Meanwhile the crone, telepathically connected to Gabriel, could now read the Gate Keeper's thoughts. She realized that her grandson was in danger. After making her perparation, she readied her self for a final confrontation with Aak and the gatekeeper. Using a vial of blood Gabriel had gifted her she teleported into Aak's boardroom.
Aak's scribe, a very efficient ostrich, was aghast that the agenda was not being followed. putting his quill aside, O stood up, raised his head to full height and ~hissed~ (he had many snake friends), "will u all PLEASE sit down, we have a meeting to finish before we move on to other business, else the MoM will suffer". These chilling words had the desired effect. it was the stuff of folklore that the MoM could never be tampered with, for it documented history. The Crone, Kid the Gatekeeper, the crone's grandson, and Aak all meekly sat down.
Of course the old crone was only waiting for her moment. As soon as Aak started his sonorous drone, She grabbed her grandson and flung him out of the boardroom. She took out the crossbow she had carried with her and fired a bolt right between Aak's eyes. The death of the speaker sent the MoM into disarray, causing the contents of the room, the Crone herself, The gatekeeper, Aak and the rest of his minions, to cease to exist.
in a moment, the crone's grandson had been forced to grow up. it was as if a thousand years had passed as he hit the ground. He picked himself up, now a Man. With no teleporting shortcut anymore, the Man started his long walk home. and the sun shone once again.
(Read like a buncha ten year olds innit.)